Why Self-Care Doesn’t Have to Be Glamorous (or Cost Money)
The day I realized my self-care practices shouldn’t prioritize constantly spending money on Instagram ads is the day I actually started to feel more of an impact from practicing self-care.
I learned self-care doesn’t have to be glamorous but involves taking regular action towards my health — and thank God for this lesson because it was getting expensive. Although self-care has been co-opted by white wealthy folks, it isn’t a new phenomenon, nor is it about luxury and having an expensive lifestyle.
The word self-care, however, has significantly changed over the past decade. Today, influencers make a living off of the commodification of self-care, amplifying the notion that “treating yourself” is the start and finish of cultivating a healthy life.
Although I love a good retail therapy session, sometimes treating myself isn’t actually the kind of resolve I need. So, how do we practice self-care without the pitfalls of consumerism?
Well, let me start with saying, self-care isn’t one-size-fits-all, despite it being marketed as such. Our health system has always favored the white, cis-het, upper class and failed the racialized, poor, and working minorities.
The health and wellness industry has a long history of prioritizing profit over the well-being of others and excluding minorities from the conversation altogether. White, thin models and influencers have been the primary representation for “wellness” for a long time.
Self-care isn't merely about the luxuries we all love to indulge in, like face sheets, candles, jade-rollers, and spa trips, but about our self-preservation, our collective liberation, and our rights to healthcare and just systems.
As Audre Lorde famously wrote, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Racialized and other marginalized groups are rarely afforded a break or let alone have the luxury of spending thousands of dollars in the name of self-care.
Whenever we choose to find joy, ease, and care for ourselves, we are actively disrupting the very same systems that have prevented us from doing so. When we decide we don't exist to work but exist to live and live WELL, we are rebelling against capitalist systems that reinforce “rest is for the weak.”
Our ancestors dreamed of more rest and more days off, and when we take it, as unglamorous as it seems, that is self-care — and there are plenty of other self-care practices that are impactful, inexpensive, and already around us. When we do it together and make space for others to have the same access, that is communal care.
Communal Care
Communal care is essential to our self-care. Taking care of ourselves so we can take care of each other has always been our responsibility and vice versa. Just like our collective rage and grief, our collective care and healing is just as powerful.
Several mental health and wellness professionals have argued that access to care has always been limited and challenging for racialized groups. Laura Havlin states, “If self-care is to truly improve our well-being, then perhaps the best way of caring for ourselves and others is by engaging in action that dismantles the system in which we’re currently operating.”
There's a lot of fixation on individualism and our healing journeys being a solo one. But, our healing doesn't have to take place alone in a dark room. Our healing can be done in shared spaces — our ancestors have invested and relied on each other for centuries.
One of my favorite mantras “it takes a village” is a testament to how much people took care of each other and how essential having a community was to thrive. Whether it was taking care of each other's families, Sunday dinners, bartering, or doing each other’s hair, finding solace in each other has always made life more meaningful.
Knowing when to ask and receive support is integral to our self-care practice. Community is everything.
Art and Movement
I get it, it’s cool to go to a $30 pilates class and have a full experience in that newly-bought activewear set, but also remember that movement can be incorporated everywhere.
Whether it’s riding a bike, doing yoga at home, breathwork, dancing with a friend, or 15 minute walks around the block, movement is a great and free self-care practice to incorporate into your everyday life.
"Whenever we choose to find joy, ease, and care for ourselves, we are actively disrupting the very same systems that have prevented us from doing so."
Journaling and poetry have saved me so many times, and I think all creative practices are transformative and a safe haven for us. That can look like drawing, dancing, painting, sculpting, playing instruments, and more. Each of these are powerful guides that help us heal and grow — and without costing an arm and leg, which is a bonus!
Relationship With Self
Our relationship with ourselves and our self-care is connected. No one talks enough about how minimizing our negative self-talk and maximizing our self-belief and self-efficacy are important self-care practices, too. Be careful with how you speak to yourself — and I mean it.
Giving ourselves care can be intimate and involve addressing our own demons, traumas, and emotions. The truth you won’t hear often is that our self-care practices won’t always feel easy or comfortable. It can be uncomfortable to address how we’re feeling or to admit when we need support. Fully committing to ourselves is fully committing to honoring our own feelings and being OK with them staying for a while.
When you search the hashtag self-care on Instagram, you might see an array of: green smoothies, smiles, beautiful white towels wrapped in someone’s hair paired with a fancy robe, but self-care can look messy. It can be emotional. It can be hard. It can be tears, frustration, anger. Seeing ourselves as worthy of care is an integral part of doing this work, especially as a marginalized person.
To be a little more conscious about my consumption of commercialized self-care products, I’ve been more intentional about asking myself whether I need care (the self-preserving kind) or to be self-soothed (a quick fix) in moments of stress. Sometimes I do need ice cream and to have my nails done, other times, I just need to cry and be listened to.
Knowing the difference has been really impactful for me and my healing journey. I have no regrets about my Jackie Aina candle collection, but I do have regrets about all the times I chose to go through things alone when I needed my people.
So instead of running to the mall every time something goes wrong in my life, I’m actively choosing self-care practices that don’t always come with a cost and actually prioritize my overall well-being.
There are perils that come with solely prioritizing self-care practices that only make us feel good momentarily. When self-care is unaffordable and inaccessible, it sends the message that not everyone needs it.
Everyone needs it. We are all entitled to care.
