It seems like just yesterday my life changed forever.
And no, I didn’t have a baby — rather it was me who was reborn when I came out as Transgender on my 19th birthday.
It was 2013 and, to my dismay, there were virtually no positive representations of transgender people in mainstream media. In the years since, lots has changed — both in the mainstream and on a personal level.
Now, 10 years later, I’m celebrating how far I’ve come. For years, I struggled every day with the gender I was assigned at birth, fighting constantly to express myself without coloring outside the lines.
With my birthday and trans-anniversary celebration on the horizon, I’m reflecting on my decade-long journey to becoming the truest version of myself, and who I was born to be.
The Early Days of Self-Discovery
Growing up, my mom and dad always supported my interests, but like many parents, tried to protect me from society.
Despite clear signs and protests that there was something more beneath the surface, they made sure I went to school dressed for my assigned gender.
One fateful day, 19-year-old me came across YouTuber Gigi Gorgeous’ first I am Transgender video. With just one click, I was introduced to a new world — one with vocabulary that accurately described what I hadn’t been able to put into words for so long.
And with that, my journey to gender freedom began.
Not only did I gain mental clarity, there was also an explosion of trans faces making their way into mainstream spaces. Orange Is The New Black made its Netflix debut and Laverne Cox — an open trans actress — played a trans role in the series.
It was groundbreaking. And, as time has gone on, more and more trans folks have appeared at the forefront, their stories finally being shared.
Despite the challenges trans people face daily, representation in mainstream media can help aid personal development. In retrospect, when I was growing up, representation was severely lacking.
Trans voices have always been there, that’s nothing new. But the rise in trans public figures has generated a level of visibility that creates space for other trans folks to embrace being themselves, to know they’re enough and never alone (cliché but necessary!).
Becoming the Representation I Needed
Even as a little kid, my love for fashion, beauty, and entertainment knew no bounds.
In 2016, I began blogging about fashion trends and style, and dove into work as a freelance model. While it was fun to explore these passions, it was also difficult to navigate my gender dysphoria as a trans girl.
Deep down, I always knew my dreams of working in fashion were tangible, I just had to keep believing in myself.
As brands evolved and became more inclusive, I remember finding it refreshing to see less singular forms of feminine beauty: women from different walks of life, cultures, and body types.
It felt like there was more opportunity for me to model and create — including the opportunity to feature in Knix’s “Love Your Shape” campaign.
As a trans woman, modelling shapewear and underwear in a space that’s typically reserved for cisgender women of a certain body type was a barrier-breaking moment. It has empowered me to live out my dreams, while embracing my body and of my perfectly imperfect flaws.
These experiences have been liberating, something I thought could never happen for someone like me. It’s this newfound confidence that allowed me to overcome the mental and physical hurdles that weighed on me since coming out.
Finding Agency and Doing the Inner Work
After years of feeling tormented by my appearance, feeling trapped every time I looked in the mirror, I worked up the nerve (and, of course, finances) to book a tracheal shave surgery.
While there are many different opinions on elected surgery, it’s a personal decision and the prerogative of each individual trans person. For me, it’s a subtle change that brings me peace every single day.
Did the surgery improve how I feel about my outward appearance? Absolutely. Did it put a stop to the negative internal dialogue in my head? Definitely not.
Inner work in the form of therapy and daily affirmations in the mirror have also been crucial to building up my confidence. Mental health is a long, nonlinear journey that involves uncomfortable conversations and daily work.
But, as much as self-work is a constant, sometimes you have to pop a bottle and look back on how far you’ve come.
After a decade of navigating life as a trans woman, and learning to accept and love myself for who I’m meant to be, my upcoming birthday and anniversary is such a special milestone.
I’m grateful for the trans community and our collective efforts to create space and opportunity for multiple trans identities to exist, and for our stories to be told from our own perspectives.
As I enter the last year of my twenties, I’m grateful to be surrounded by diversity, doing work that’s changing the narrative around trans identities, and chasing my dreams.
Who knows what’s in store for me as I enter this new chapter, but if I’ve learned anything: sky’s the limit.