Perimenopause Rage: Why You May Want to Break Things During Perimenopause

Perimenopause is the time leading up to menopause, which can start as early as a woman's 30s or 40s. 

During perimenopause, a woman's hormone levels begin to fluctuate, which can cause irregular menstrual periods and symptoms such as hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, and difficulty sleeping. Those mood swings can include unexplained fits of rage.

Now, let’s be careful here: Women (of any age or any reproductive phase) are not unhinged emotional creatures. Just because you feel something doesn’t mean you have to let it impact your behavior. And you’re no less capable or qualified of doing things your male peers do just because your body is going through changes.

So let’s avoid the ‘hysterical’ or ‘unhinged’ connotations of perimenopause rage and seek to better understand why you may be susceptible to stronger feelings, and provide some tools for managing them.

What Are Perimenopause and Menopause?

Menopause is a natural part of a woman's life cycle. It usually happens between the ages of 45 and 55 and is marked by the absence of menstrual periods for 12 consecutive months. As a result, a woman's body stops producing eggs, and hormone levels, especially estrogen, decrease.

Now, before menopause, there's a transition period called perimenopause that can start as early as a woman's 30s or 40s. During perimenopause, hormone levels can start to fluctuate, which can lead to symptoms like irregular menstrual periods, hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, and difficulty sleeping. This transition can last for a few months to several years, so it's important to be aware of these changes and to take care of yourself during this time.

Why You Might Feel Rage During Perimenopause

Feeling rage is a normal reaction to perimenopause and menopause. But why? Two main reasons:

1. An Emotional Reaction to Changes and Symptoms You Can’t Control

Perimenopause can be a challenging time in a woman's life. You may be dealing with physical symptoms like hot flashes and insomnia, as well as emotional issues like anxiety and depression. These factors can contribute to feelings of frustration and anger, which can manifest as rage.

It is also a life stage that marks the end of reproductive years and this can be a poignant time for some. While aging and menopause are being more openly discussed and embraced these days, there may still be some negative baggage associated with entering this life stage for some. 

Feelings of grief and rage are a natural part of any mourning process. And whether you’re mourning an actual loss (your ability to reproduce) or a perceived loss (your youth, vitality, even feelings of attractiveness) it is natural to feel rage as part of that process.

2. A Result of Fluctuating Hormones

During perimenopause, your hormone levels, particularly estrogen, and progesterone, can fluctuate significantly. These hormonal changes can affect the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain, which can lead to mood swings, irritability, and even rage.

It's important for women to recognize that these emotions are a normal part of the hormonal changes that come with perimenopause, and to seek support and guidance from healthcare providers, therapists, or support groups as needed. By managing symptoms and taking care of their mental health, women can navigate this transition with greater ease and well-being.

Tools for Managing Rage and Mood Swings

The good news is that by the time you’re going through perimenopause and menopause, you probably have learned ways of coping with stress in your life. We all go through turbulent times; breakups, bereavement, losing one’s job, moving home, and money worries. And we all develop mechanisms for coping with the things life throws at us. It could be a physical sport, a creative habit, long walks on the beach, or even housecleaning.

But perimenopausal rage may still throw you for a loop. It’s never too late to develop new coping mechanisms or find new ways of supporting your emotional well-being. This is a new life stage, after all—and what worked in the past may not necessarily work for you now. 

If you’re looking for ways to process and manage your feelings of rage or anxiety during perimenopause, here are some suggestions:

Try Meditation

Meditation can be a helpful tool for managing the emotional symptoms of menopause, including feelings of anger or rage. By practicing mindfulness meditation, menopausal women can learn to observe their thoughts and emotions without judgment or reactivity.

Meditation can help you cultivate greater awareness and self-regulation of your emotions if you experience mood swings. By noticing when anger starts to build, you can learn to pause and respond more intentionally and constructively, rather than simply reacting at the moment.

Research has shown that mindfulness meditation can be effective in reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression, which are common during menopause. Regular meditation can help to reduce stress and promote feelings of calm and relaxation, which can have a positive impact on overall well-being.

Add Strength Training to Your Exercise Regime

At a time when it may feel like your body is betraying you, it might help you heal your relationship with your body if you take control back. Strength training is important as you age because you begin to lose bone density, which can increase the risk of osteoporosis and fractures.

But more than that: There’s something super empowering and badass about seeing your strength improve. Besides the physical benefits, strength training can help you rebuild your relationship with your body (your body is truly amazing, at every age!)

Learn Your Triggers and Practice Communication

We all have our pet peeves. It could be that perpetually late friend or the coworker who mansplains what you just said back to you. The more aware you are of those things that (justifiably or not!) set you off the more able you will be to minimize or avoid situations altogether.

It’s also an opportunity to practice providing feedback. After all, one of the benefits of age is the ability to confidently but respectfully communicate your needs—especially to close friends and partners. If handled lovingly, you might even improve your relationships!

Find a Therapist or Support Group

If you’ve never been in therapy, it can be a daunting process. But most people who’ve had therapy will agree it’s something everybody can benefit from. 

Still carrying around baggage from childhood, old relationships, or past injustices? These are all things that can percolate during moments of rage. Or perhaps you’re finding yourself angry about your sense of loss, or even angry about the fact you feel so angry all the time! It can become a big knotty mess and sometimes you need help to unravel it. 

Don’t be afraid to seek help or intimidated about what it “means” to need help. It really only means that you’re a self-aware person who wants to live her best possible life. 

Give Yourself “Me Time”

Sometimes we all just need to “breathe and reboot.” It’s totally fine and healthy to need some me-time. There’s no pressure to do super Goop-y things either. If it’s a day in bed, or rewatching old episodes of Gilmore Girls that’s fine too. No shame, no blame, no guilt. Give yourself the gift of no-strings-attached time off. 

Talk to Your Doctor

Any time something is persistently problematic or it interferes with your ability to function day-to-day, it’s worth chatting with your doctor. Ideally, you’re seeing your doctor for an annual checkup and having conversations about the stage of life you’re in, what’s considered medically ‘normal’, how to optimize your health, and other medical options for more extreme physical symptoms. If you're experiencing a lot of perimenopause rage or suspect you have mood disorders, definitely bring it up at your next checkup.

Hormone Replacement Therapy to Treat Menopause Symptoms

Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is a medication to replace the estrogen that your body starts to lose during perimenopause. Hormone therapy can be used to treat severe hot flashes and other menopause symptoms. It can also prevent bone loss and prevent fractures in women after menopause. 

However, hormone therapy has associated risks too, including a risk of heart disease, stroke, and breast cancer. Overall, HRT is neither all good nor all bad. Whether it’s right for you will depend on several factors, including your medical history, general health, and the severity of your symptoms. It’s advisable to work with your healthcare provider to determine if hormone replacement therapy is right for you.

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are a class of medications that are commonly used as antidepressants. They work by increasing the levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin in the brain, which can improve mood, reduce anxiety, and alleviate symptoms of depression. 

SSRIs can also be used to alleviate some of the symptoms of menopause, such as hot flashes and mood changes. SSRIs can also improve mood and reduce symptoms of anxiety and irritability that are commonly associated with menopause. However, as with any medication, it is important to discuss the risks and benefits with a healthcare provider before starting treatment.

Other Menopausal Symptoms You Might Experience

Fluctuating hormones can cause both physical and emotional reactions (mood symptoms.) There’s quite a range of menopausal symptoms here, and their severity and duration can vary wildly from person to person. Here are some of the more common menopause symptoms.

Missed or Irregular Periods

During perimenopause, you may notice changes to your menstrual cycles. Some of these changes can be extreme opposites of each other, from lighter periods to heavier periods. This is caused by the extreme fluctuation of your hormone levels. 

Less Frequent or Irregular Periods

Because you will start ovulating less as you approach menopause, your entire menstrual cycle may not run like clockwork anymore. This can mean less frequent periods, including skipped months. These infrequencies will increase as perimenopause progresses. This is part of the reason why doctors wait a full 12 months before confirming that you have passed into menopause.

Spotting or Lighter Periods

You might also experience very light menstrual periods or spotting between periods. Considering periods become irregular at this stage, it can be easy to mistake the stage you’re in for menopause. It’s worth tracking your periods and any irregular bleeding in a journal or app so you and your doctor can understand what stage you’re in.

Longer Periods or Heavy Bleeding

As periods become infrequent, sometimes the lining of the uterus has more time to become thicker. This means that when your uterus sheds its lining, there will be a longer and heavier period. If periods become excessively heavy, you may be at risk of anemia, or it might be a symptom of something else. So monitor your cycle and determine if you need to seek medical advice. 

Hot Flashes / Night Sweats

Hot flashes (aka hot flushes) are characterized by a sudden feeling of warmth or heat that spreads throughout the body, often accompanied by sweating, rapid heartbeat, and flushing of the skin.

What can trigger hot flashes? A variety of things, including hormonal changes, stress, alcohol consumption, spicy foods, and caffeine. They can vary in duration and intensity, with some women experiencing only mild hot flashes that last for a few seconds, while others may have more severe hot flashes that last for several minutes or longer.

Night sweats are episodes of excessive sweating during the night that can drench the bedding and clothing, leading to discomfort and interrupted sleep.

Mood Swings

Mood swings (in addition or apart from feelings of rage) and mood disorders are common symptoms of menopause and perimenopause due to the hormonal changes that occur during this time. Specifically, fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone levels can impact the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain, which can affect mood, emotions, and behavior even leading to depressive symptoms/perimenopausal depression.

… And So Many Other Symptoms

There’s still a long list of other menopausal symptoms is quite long. The good news is not all perimenopausal women experience these symptoms. And they may be less intense for some. The list includes:

• Nausea: Fluctuating estrogen levels can result in feelings of nausea.
• Weight gain: Sudden changes in weight or digestion can also point to perimenopause. If your diet, nutrition, and exercise levels are fairly stable and you find yourself experiencing weight gain, that may be a symptom of perimenopause.
• Vaginal dryness: Vaginal or endometrial atrophy occurs in some women after menopause. The body produces less estrogen after menopause, which can lead to the thinning, drying, and inflammation of the vaginal walls. During perimenopause this process can begin, resulting in dryness.
• Changes in sexual desire or satisfaction: Some women report changes in sexual desire and arousal due to fluctuating hormones.
• Insomnia and sleep troubles: Apart from night sweats, general sleep can become unpredictable during perimenopause and beyond. It can also be hard to fall asleep, with some experiencing insomnia.
• Bone loss: With declining estrogen levels, your bone density may decrease as you start to lose bone more quickly than you replace it. For some, this can lead to an increased risk of osteoporosis — a disease that causes fragile bones in women.
• Bladder problems: Low estrogen levels may also make you more vulnerable to urinary or vaginal infections. Loss of tissue strength may contribute to urinary incontinence.
• Memory problems or difficulty concentrating: Memory problems or difficulty concentrating are common symptoms caused by hormonal changes. Other factors like stress, sleep disturbances, and mental health conditions can contribute to these symptoms. 
• Joint and muscle pain: Estrogen plays an important role in maintaining joint and bone health. As estrogen levels decline during perimenopause, women may experience a loss of bone density and joint cartilage, leading to joint and muscle pain
• Headaches or migraines: The exact cause of headaches during menopause is not fully understood, but hormonal changes are believed to play a role. As levels of estrogen and progesterone fluctuate during menopause, some women may experience changes in blood vessels that can lead to headaches. Other factors, such as stress, lack of sleep, and certain foods or drinks, can also trigger headaches during menopause.
• Changes in skin and hair, such as dryness or thinning: Estrogen plays a key role in maintaining skin and hair health. It promotes collagen production, which helps keep skin elastic and firm, and also helps maintain healthy hair follicles. As estrogen levels decline during menopause, collagen production decreases, and hair follicles may become less active, leading to thinner, less elastic skin and hair.

If you're experiencing symptoms that are interfering with your daily life, talk to your healthcare provider about your options for managing them. Most of these symptoms will subside in postmenopausal women.

Take Our Perimenopause Quiz

The symptoms of perimenopause are numerous. But they can also be easily confused with other things going on in our bodies. Perimenopausal women may also wonder:

• Am I just stressed (work, world events, family life, etc.)
• Am I just run down?
• Maybe I’m coming down with the flu/cold/COVID?
• Maybe my body is just a little out of whack?
• Have I let my healthy habits slide a bit?
• Perhaps I’m just PMS-ing!
• Am I pregnant?

This means it can be difficult to say decisively if one is experiencing perimenopause or something else. And the situation can be even more confusing if you’re typically prone to an irregular menstrual cycle. It might be hard to spot the differences.

To help you navigate these uncertainties, we’ve devised a little quiz. Check it out here…

We hope you found this post informative — but remember: we’re not doctors and this post is not medical advice! While all posts are fact-checked and well researched, we always recommend you chat with your doctor about any questions or concerns you might have regarding a medical condition. We’re here to support and educate, but never with the aim of disregarding professional medical advice you’ve been given. Phew, now that that’s out of the way, you can go on living unapologetically free.