Big. Strong. Woman. is an ode to female strength and defying gender norms. The project aims to generate discourse around the systemic barriers and create conversation around gender expectations. You can watch the film here.
Don’t pitch it so fast. Don’t share your opinions so much. Don’t throw it so hard. Don’t lift too much.
I've heard sayings like this all my life — as most women have in some capacity. We're constantly told to tone ourselves down to make others feel comfortable.
At 5’10” and 200 lbs, I've always been big, powerful, and outspoken. During an elementary school softball game, a father on the opposing team yelled at me to, “slow my pitches down because none of the girls could hit it!”
During a touch rugby game, an old rugger told me to “throw polite passes so that it'd be easy to catch.” An old coach of mine once told me, “leaders don't share their opinions so much.”
Every time, I left these interactions feeling like I was too much, like I was doing something wrong. But every time, my dad told me to not listen to them.
Raising Girls
He's the father of three girls and knew before we could walk that he'd treat us as equals; he wouldn't tell us to change who we are to make other people feel comfortable, purely because we're women.
Do you think a young boy would have been told to slow down or hold back? I don’t think so. He'd be praised for his power and speed. He'd be told to always share his opinion and wouldn't be thought of as "bossy" or "annoying" for doing so.
I've played sports all my life. If there's a ball and some sort of net involved, I've probably tried it. My dad made us do sports every season of the year.
Some people may have been mad they had to go to practice instead of hanging with friends but, to me, practice was time to hang with like minded individuals who truly understood me.
Finding Solace in Rugby
The spring of my senior year of high school, I decided to try out a new sport: rugby. My dad has played rugby for more than half his life. In the back of my head, I knew he'd be happy if I tried out his sport — and, turns out, I was really good at it.
My first game, I made some tackles and scored a couple of tries. I remember in that game thinking to myself, “oh, I get this.” Rugby fit me like a glove.
I finally found a sport that praised me for my size and power. I found a community that accepted every part of my body and personality.
Living Unapologetically
To be honest, I'm not fully sure where all my confidence comes from because, gosh darn, do I have a lot of it. My teammates and I always joke it's because I'm a Leo (star sign), but I think a lot of it has to do with coming to terms with not looking and acting like what I saw around me growing up.
I think my mom had a lot to do with it. She has always made me feel beautiful. She would always hold me while I cried to her that I was “too big” — I didn't understand why I was always fitter than everyone but still looked the way I did.
I want other young athletes to be able to see me in the media and understand that a six pack or lean body doesn't mean you are fit. Athletes come in all shapes and sizes.
My mission has become to make other people feel comfortable and brave in who they are. Everyone tells me I am “unapologetically myself” but, weirdly, whenever I hear that, I always think it's a bad thing. I always question what they mean and whether or not I need to change.
Then, I remember that the world would be a truly boring place if we were all the same. Sometimes, I am probably very annoying. Sometimes, I probably should be more quiet. Sometimes, I should listen more. There is balance to everything.
So I say to you…
Pitch it faster. Share your opinions. Throw it hard and lift as much weight as you can.
Ilona Maher is a pro rugby player and Olympic athlete based in Vermont. Learn more about Big. Strong. Woman. at Knix.com.