How to Date Yourself
We’re so proud of the Ambassadors that are part of our Knix family. From entrepreneurs to body positivity gurus to mental health advocates (often all at once!), we’re always excited to learn and grow from them.
This month, we sat down with Knix Ambassador Kaylynn Marisol Campbell— a queer self-relationship and body-connection educator based in California. Read on to learn about how she’s celebrating Pride this year, what it means to date yourself, and the importance of loving every part of your body, all the way down to your vulva. Meet Kaylynn.
Hi Kaylynn! Tell us about yourself
My name is Kaylynn Marisol Campbell, I am a Queer Femme WOC. I work as a self-relationship and body-connection educator in Sacramento, Ca. I am a writer and currently working on publishing my first children’s book! Other than that I am a wife, dog mom and absolutely love brunch and rooftop hangs with friends more than anything in the world. Also, to say I am obsessed with houseplants would be an understatement. My wife has informed me that I can’t buy anymore during quarantine, haha!
Can you explain what a Self-Relationship and Body-Connection Educator is?
Yessss! I work through sharing my experiences with breaking away from diet culture, and coming back to a place of radical self acceptance and love via Instagram, local in person workshops and one on one mentoring. My goal is to help folks start to see themselves as their primary partner, to understand that a relationship with yourself takes all the same goodness and effort that a relationship with someone else does! A lot of my education revolves around body liberation, positive body image and reclaiming power in the body you exist in now!
How do you date yourself?
I apply everything that I do to date my wife, to myself. It takes communication, connection, trust, effort, affirmation, forgiveness, love and romance. Everything as small as checking in with myself with a quick, “How are you doing babe? What do we need to do for ourselves today?” to taking myself on a solo date to a ceramics class or restaurant. In the beginning it was more about getting to know myself and spending time in my solitude. Now that I have done that for a while it looks a little more advanced. I would say my self-relationship has gone from casually texting, to seeing each other every day, u-hauling and making it known that I’ve found the one!
Day to day it honestly looks really different but some of the foundational stuff is checking in with myself, stretching, kissing the mirror (LOL no lie). I tailor my daily self-care plan to what my body is communicating to me. She wants movement, I move. She wants sweets, I deliver. She wants an orgasm, I self-pleasure. She wants reassurance, I practice positive affirmations. You get the idea!
I think the heart of dating myself lies in my ability to be the person who reassures, affirms and loves my body every day unconditionally. That doesn’t mean I love how I look every day, but it means I am committed to making sure I know that no matter what, I am here and will not abandon the belief that I am whole, enough and worthy ever again.
I want to be my own greatest love of my life.
How has being queer helped to shape and inform how you connect with your own body?
When you’re queer, so much of the world, possibly even your family and friends may no longer be there to affirm, love and protect you. When people abandon, or disagree with who you are as a person that can seriously affect your ability to accept yourself. Affirming, reassuring and loving my body, and all that I am has gifted me the ability to move through the world in a way that is most authentic to me, even in the face of fear and rejection. I will say, as a straight passing femme, I have a ton of privilege when it comes to moving through out the world. At the same time, I have to come out over and over again, so the rejection or disapproval of who I am and who I love is something I potentially face day to day.
Being queer and advocating for my right to love and exist openly has taught me how to do that in other areas of my life, like body image! Being queer has helped me find the beauty in finding radical acceptance and liberation in myself, my body, and my life all together.
How are you celebrating Pride this year? How do you celebrate Pride all year round?
Usually we would be at SF pride, the home of all my favorite queer gatherings! This year, we are finding some virtual pride parties, drag shows and participating in the SF virtual trans march! We will probably have a super extra charcuterie board situation, cocktails and living room dance parties.
All year round I celebrate pride by giving myself permission to wear my Queer identity proudly in honor of those who fought for me to do so. I find so much importance in being open about identity so that other folks can learn and feel like they can do so too. I think one thing I am determined to become better at is being a better ally for the trans community. One way to celebrate pride year round is to make sure I am fighting for all folks to live liberated and open, as safely as I get to. For black trans womxn, that’s not the case yet. To me, pride is a blend of celebration, resistance, advocacy and love!
Tell us about The Vulva Witch Project. Why the vulva?
The Vulva Witch was born when I was temporarily laid off from work due to COVID-19. I often take a lot of polls on Instagram centered around body image and I had done one about Vulvae. I was shocked to read the responses. So many folks with Vulvae have felt or are insecure about the shape, size, color etc. I realized how much shame has come from the lack of education, awareness and embodiment that we lack when it comes to Vulvae!
I love art and started messing around with making Vulva incense holders out of clay. Then I made air plant holders that were vulva shaped too. The first sale I had blew my mind. I couldn’t believe how many folks were supportive, and excited to have a vulva incense holder in their house!! My Vulva Witch project is really just starting. My dream is to turn this into a vehicle for education, liberation and funding for all things Vulva related!
Brag about yourself. What are you proudest of?
I am most proud of the way in which I have come to embody all that I am. The healing, the unlearning and the work I have put in to be here has been incredibly emotional and hard, but worth it. I believe I am here on this earth to empower folks in their bodies and I am so thankful I have detached myself from the systems of oppression that would hold me back from that. At the centre of everything, I am most proud of my willingness to be seen, to be vulnerable with my story which has led me to so much goodness, opportunity and connection.